So, it’s been pretty quiet around here for the past few months, once again. And here’s why: My Darling and I got engaged!!! He popped the question all of FOUR days before we left on a two and a half week trip to Poland so he could introduce me to his family over there. The vacation was planned, the engagement was kind of expected, but we were getting so close to our departure date that I honestly was not expecting it anymore. It finally happened though and we are both so, so excited.
Our trip was lovely although quite busy, we changed hotels seven times in eighteen days and saw more pretty much every single family member of my Darling’s still living in Poland. That was a lot of people and a lot of travelling and while Poland is a beautiful country and the food was delicious and I mostly had a good time, I got homesick at one point. The episode, which lasted a few days, was mostly triggered by the fact that I had never traveled to a country where I did not speak the language with enough proficiency to have a conversation. The other part of the trouble I is that we were travelling with a couple we are friends with and being with other people day in and day out can be exhausting. I am not a person who can be around other people 24-7, I just end up going bananas and the male counterpart of the couple we were travelling with eventually got rather annoyed with my moodiness and even got upset with me for not wanting to tag along on an excursion at one point, mostly, I believe, because I darling opted to go back to our lodgings with me. Hence, the title of this post: you can’t make everyone happy all the time. Sometimes, you have to put your own comfort and happiness first, whether it is while traveling or in everyday life. I was tired, I had a headache, I needed some space and I was craving some time alone with my Darling. We got engaged four days before leaving on our vacation, for crying out loud and we had not had an entire day to ourselves since two days before we left! So home we went and to heck with the friend’s grumpiness.
It is also impossible to keep everyone happy while planning a wedding. I’ve been at this for about two months now and have already managed to disappoint one bridesmaid and long time friend by not including her in my first dress shopping expedition and a cousin’s husband by addressing their ‘Save the date’ card to Mrs. Jane David & family (as I do with her Christmas card every year) and not Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe & family. I have tried to soothe the friend by explaining that the shop I am going to for my first afternoon of dress hunting only allows a bride to bring three people along and that my mom and best friend (and maid of honor) were no-brainers and that my sister in-law said she wanted to come along too right in front of my brother. I have so many friends who have told me over the years that they absolutely HAVE to come with me the day I go shopping for my wedding dress that I will not possibly be able to bring them all along, so what I have told them is that I will be rotating them in and out while always trying to include my mother and my best friend. I have four bridesmaids and one maid of honor and at least one friend who is not in my bridal party who has insisted on being included in one of my excursions. God help me if I find my dress on my first day out, but what else can I do? I can’t keep everyone happy and if I bring everyone along I will have too many opinions in one go, which I absolutely do not want. I have to think of myself and my sanity.
As for the card, what can say? I did not know my cousin had changed her name after she married and did not know that it was legally allowed in the Province she lived in. Women have not been allowed to change their names upon marriage here in Quebec for years now because it was causing too much paper work. Honest to goodness, my cousin’s husband’s reaction didn’t bother me nearly as much as her telling my aunt about it and my aunt telling my mother about it and then my aunt asking my mom to write Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe & family on their wedding invitation. I would have much preferred my cousin to contact me directly, but I have not hear a word from her. I am therefore left wondering if my cousin was so very bothered by the incident or if it was just her husband who for some reason overreacted to the save the date card when he had never said a word about any of the other mail I sent. You can’t make everyone happy, you really can’t. I cannot imagine the scenes that will be caused by the eventual seating plans, but ultimately, the wedding is my Darling and I’s day and anyone who tries to rain on our parade is the one with the issue, not us. Someone will complain about the cake, someone else will complain about the music and my dress will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I just don’t care. What does matter is that my Darling and I’s wedding pleases us. Of course I want our guests to have an awesome time at our wedding and I will do everything in my power to ensure that they do, but I refuse to believe that a bridesmaid will have less fun at the wedding because she didn’t come dress shopping with me or that my cousin’s husband will spend the evening sulking because one day, about nine months before the wedding he got a card with his wife’s maiden name on it instead of his and he didn’t feel included in the word ‘family’.
The bottom line is, folks, being kind is important, being thoughtful and respectful towards others is important, but being kind, thoughtful and respectful to yourself is important as well.If you are making everyone except yourself happy, then you are ultimately doing yourself more harm than good.